You’re probably wondering why anybody would misuse their time to write a 900-word essay about something as unemotional and tiresome as "tea". It’s even more mystifying that someone would be willing to sacrifice valuable eyeball effort to read such a thing. I mean... jeez... you could be doing something real important right now such as eternally scrolling through the endless Netflix sea of reruns. Be this as it may, I feel inclined to communicate, celebrate, and propagate my appreciation for the sensational concoction know only as DANDELION TEA.
Now you may be asking yourself, “Say, what exactly is Dandelion Tea?”
Well, Buddy, I’ll tell you. Dandelion Tea is a herbal beverage that has been consumed for centuries due to its satisfying taste and rich health properties. Dandelion Tea is delivered from a lengthy boiling process of roasted dandelion roots before being processed into consumable products.
At this point, you may be asking yourself, “Say, why should a person, like myself, drink Dandelion Tea?”. A better question is "why wouldn't you?"
For the everyday Average Joe who suffers from caffeine addiction affliction, this might be the drink for you. This non-caffeine blend is a surefire way to kill your cravings hungry thirsty dead and while some variations of dandelion tea are awkwardly bitter SYMINGTON'S DANDELION TEA falls perfectly between sharp and sweet on the sensory scale. SYMINGTON'S DANDELION TEA has a robust aroma similar to both coffee and honey providing an easy escape from any unwanted caffeine hankerings. Now let me set the scene for ya:
It’s 7:37pm and you’ve just got home from a busy day at the industrial vacuum manufacturing compound. Today was a tough day to say the least. John (who works in accounting) was consistently arguing with the other John (who works in Human Resources). All this bickering was starting to aggravate the other John (who occupies the cubicle directly beside your own). Unfortunately for you, you’re stuck in the middle of all this aggravated nonsense until all three Johns wear themselves out or alternatively kill each other. Now finally at home and absent from all the workplace chaos, you have a moment to relax and enjoy some sweet laidback R&R. Sitting on your mahogany sofa, you begin to dwell into deep thought... “Wow, I could really do with a hot slurp right about now but it’s too late for coffee and hot chocolate has been proven to cause tooth decay and high cholesterol. Whatever will I do?". Then it hits you... BAM! Dandelion Tea liberates you of your dilemma. Within 221.6 seconds, you’re sitting there with butts on the sofa and SYMINGTON'S INSTANT DANDELION TEA all up in your mug.
If you aren't already on your way to the local grocery house, I've got YET ANOTHER reason for you to try this obscenely pleasant potion... The health benefits are absolutely abundant.
Do you need a hefty kick of vitamins? BAM! Dandelion Tea has got you covered with a mountain of vitamin A, C, K, E and D. Do you have digestion problems? BAM! Dandelion Tea has got your back with its ability to soothe stomach lining and aid in mineral absorption. Is your liver all clogged up with ugly, unspeakable toxins? WHA-BAM! Dandelion Tea is here to cleanse your liver and promote proper function. Are you all bloated up and filled with excessive liquid? Well, guess what... BAM BAM BAM! Dandelion Tea acts as a natural diuretic and will surely have you flushing your problems away. Now let's quickly admit to ourselves that we're all fond of hearing the word “FREE”. Hearing the word “FREE” is like honey on the eardrums and beeswax on the soul. If you too like the word "FREE" then I've got something for ya. Dandelion Tea is absolutely FREE... FREE from any hideous hidden poisons that is. It’s gluten-free, lactose-free, preservative-free, carefree, and of course free from any traces of antifreeze. If you like exercising your personal freedom, then you will not be disappointed by SIMINGTON'S DANDELION TEA.
Quick side note:
Are you an Average Joe who’s consistently concerned about premature aging? Potentially your life has become dictated by an overwhelming fear of free radical cell damage? If only there was a natural remedy or a delicious beverage that could help fight these all-too-common issues... BAMBALAM! Dandelion Tea strikes again with its high-powered antioxidants, beta-carotene and polyphenols content. If that wasn’t good enough, Dandelion Tea boasts a stupid amount of zinc, calcium, magnesium, potassium, and iron, which will surely keep you bursting at the seams with healthy wellness (and well healthiness).
By the look on your face, I can tell that you are absolutely sold and probably don't want to hear the downside of Dandelion Tea. Unfortunately, I'm now going to reveal the downside, so stay tuned for some robust pessimism. Some particular people may suffer from an allergic reaction to dandelions. As I've mentioned previously, Dandelion Tea contains dandelions (shock, right?). Unfortunately, people who are valuable to daisies, ragweed, marigold, and chrysanthemum allergies may also want to steer clear just in case. Moreover, the tea may interact with certain medications such as diuretics, lithium, and Cipro. On a personal note, large quantities of Dandelion Tea will undoubtedly send you stumbling to the nearest bathroom facility so I would recommend NOT drinking this beverage before a long-road trip (unless you want to be blacklisted from your friend's car).
Authors note: This is not a paid endorsement by Kintra Foods or Symington's Dandelion Tea. I did this because I wanted to.