You know Australia is in dire straits when the kiwis are mocking us. I’m not kidding. Twitter is suddenly finding itself overwhelmed by an influx of people from ‘NewZealand’. You know, the place just off the coast of Australia? We steal their talented individuals and claim them as our own. Except when they misbehave in public, then they’re kiwi’s, not Aussies (Yeah Russell Crowe, looking at you pal).
They’re picking on us because our government is crumbling into madness. New Zealand elected a pregnant prime minister, who rejected a $12,000 pay rise and is often pictured holding her new born baby while her man is smiling gleefully in her shadow. And what have we had? We’ve had 7 Prime Ministers in like, 11 years. This isn’t funny guys. We really need to get it together.
We really are a bit of a mess. If there was a therapy group for political messes, they’d rake it in with the Australian Government. Anyway, New Zealand can’t help but put the slipper into us when things go pear shaped. It happens all the time; Sport events mostly, like that time we lost to England, because that Johnny Wilkinson guy was good at kicking and we weren’t; the Bledisloe Cup (numerous times), that time our cricket team got done for fondling its balls (I really don’t know what happened there and I don’t care much for cricket but, apparently it was a big deal and the kiwi’s revelled in it).
We really cop it from them. So imagine their glee when #libspill happened. The hysterics when they found out the challenger for our leadership looked like a potato. I have enough kiwi friends on my Facebook to know firsthand, they loved every second of this drama. They’re all currently on 30 day snoozes for their efforts too, mind.
New Zealand is pretty much the younger sibling who carries on like a hyena at your expense. I’ve heard rumours many Australians are trying to jump ship over there. Unconfirmed if true or not, but if the hashtags and trending topics on the socials are to be believed, then we really are in a bit of a pickle. So please, Liberal party of Australia, Sco-Mo and co. sort this out hey. Because if New Zealand are laughing at us, then things need fixing. Pronto.